My dad was a language rapist
Said in english to my mom,
Baby, I'm going to have you
and there's nothing I can do.
The man had pulled splinters
out of his fingers.
He was tender and loving
father of three small children,
an inventive entertainer.

I left them when I came over.
At first, there wasn't much to do
The job market had died
And I found myself walking a lot
I didn't care where I went
or with whom - there was a limit to
the damage I could do
when I was alone.

I worked as a police officer on the
High side. Which is where the good life
went to get sick.
I mean I drank, and I was
in a fight that took out an eye.
I had no teachers, no father - nobody was
taking care of me. I called
my mother long distance
she said - are you okay come
home to me.

I was a regular with a few girls
none of them in love with
but some were pretty and I called them
on the telephone:

Daisy, let's get out of town
I don't know what I'm gonna do to you, oh no

We took tango lessons.
In the meantime she kissed me
and then lied to me.

I would never forgive her. Five
years wasted.

I bought a little pistol and went
up to her room looking for
She said what do you want
I don't owe you, I can be
with anyone I like
I said you're right, that's the
truth and shot a hole in her window.
Screamed and they came to get me but I
dropped the gun under the couch
and ran outside.
Then I went for a walk in the park
it was hot as flat blood.

I went with my girl Pony
and felt better because
I was a new man, cheated death
and love and not went to
prison. None of my friends
would know.

I was working in an office
where I injured my hand with
a staple gun. Every time
the phone rang - I thought Daisy
But didn't answer.

In the office there were a few
girls that liked me - and
I wouldn't scrap them -
they were dog ugly.

Then the summer got so hot
old people fell on the sidewalk
and fell unconscious. Dogs
because their hearts cooked
in the sun. I was lucky to know
how to swim - to cool in the E river.
But then this boy drowned once and
we couldn't save him or get him out
and he disappeared head under.

I forgot to tell them later why
he drowned:
he was stoned and got bit
by a snake, scraped his foot
against the rocks and
drifted out scared. No one
could call him
because he stopped swimming.

Another boy fell from
the roof of a building where he
was drinking.
They had a boombox playing and he fell
with the boombox into an airshaft.
He was killed on the impact.

But these tragedies interrupted
the summer - they did not
stop it. We must go
on to work, eating and sleeping,
and someone is dying nearby,
listening to the radio.

I got a job as a television actor.
Playing the son of
a doctor on a popular series.
I got it riding the subway
Pushed a girl out of the way
of a speeding train. Her
dad was the producer.
I got ten thousand dollars
a week and learned my lines with an acting coach
Then lots of girls fell in love
all over me. I used my experience
as a cop
to intimidate the other actors.
And I was liked. Even those
who feared me, liked me.

The writers decided that the son
of the doctor was a spy. I should
fly to Tokyo for a pilot.
The producers talked about it
for a while, but
before the show started I quit.
I was tired of acting and felt I'd
use the money to live and be
an artist.

I've painted before, and now
I'm painting almost every day.
I found an apartment in the lower
E where I keep my brushes and canvas and I
practice at painting - training my
style. But even though I am skilled
the paintings don't make a lot of money -
nobody has money for paintings when
all they care about is photography
and video.

My money starts to run out,
and I don't have health insurance.
Talked to my dad on the phone
once a year, he said why not
go live with him. I could
try something new,
and move out of the city.
Which would be nice because then
when I walk around I would never think
that I might run into Daisy.

And I should leave here
before I get sick. Emotionally I
have not been doing so well.
I don't know if there's hope
and suddenly I fall in love and
find the career of my life which will
keep me involved for another 35 -
40 years, or it's all shit
and there's nowhere left to go
but the one destination.
If that's the case then life
is worthless and not worth living.

You decide
Whether life is

Good or Bad

Daisy - don't you love me,
don't you care about me?
I thought you did.